Junk Mail

While looking at photos from a trip to New Orleans (N’awlins, as the locals say), I began craving some good Cajun gumbo. I had it at a restaurant in the French Quarter, and it was delicious. So, I pulled a recipe from the internet and made it. Unfortunately, eating it left me with an even stronger craving for some good Cajun gumbo (the keyword being good). Needless to say, it didn't go well.   

Fortunately, I only made a small batch because I don't like wasting food. I ate the leftovers over the next few days – my wife tried it but declined to partake in the dish. A second attempt, with a different recipe, failed miserably as well. I was ready to concede, "Maybe it's just me. Perhaps gumbo is one of those things I can't make." I had read the secret to a good gumbo is in the roux. Unfortunately, I wasn't getting it right. I needed advice from an experienced Gumbo Roux Guru – but who!  

I remembered our friends Keith and Claudine, whom we met in Ouray, Colorado. When we asked where they were from, they told us, Louisiana, naturally I thought of N’awlins. Surely, they would know how to make gumbo. So, I sent a message to Keith asking for tips or a recipe. "Sorry, Claudine is the gumbo maker," he admitted. He added that they would send a cookbook with recipes submitted from members of their church. I was looking forward to receiving his gift. Still, I had plenty of other things to do in the meantime; I was busy preparing our Scamp for an upcoming trip.   
Saturday morning, the Scamp was loaded and ready to hit the road. The last thing to do was put our dog June and cat Edgar Allan in the van – oh, and put the trash can out by the road. The garbage truck doesn't come until Monday, but I put it out early since we would be gone. The trash can would just have to sit by the road until we returned home.  

When we’re planning to be gone for a while, I'll call the post office to put a hold on our mail. Apparently, I had forgotten to do so on this trip. While we were away, we got a package that wouldn't fit inside, so the mail lady fastened it to the handle of our mailbox with a rubber band.   

Our neighbor noticed the package and knew we were out of town. Bonnie sent me a text, "We put a package in your garbage can to stay dry." I was very appreciative; whatever my wife had ordered, I'm sure she’d want it to stay dry. Besides, we keep our trash can clean enough that it would provide good protection from the elements.  
I sent a message back: "Thank you, Bonnie. Any chance you could roll the can back to the house? We'll be gone until Wednesday, and I would hate to see the trash guys throw away the package on Monday if the can is still at the road." The content of the message had me laughing. We have good neighbors, and they gladly helped us out.   

By the time we got home, I had forgotten about the package but noticed the can was back in the driveway. I was rolling it into the garage and could tell something was inside. I opened the lid, saw the package, and started laughing; everything was coming back to me. Although she wasn't there, I spoke aloud, "Whatever you ordered, Melissa, it just about became junk mail - literally." I had a good laugh about that.  

I carried the package upstairs, reading the label, "Tom Palen? What the heck? I didn't order anything." Then reading the return address, "From Keith and Claudine. What are they sending me?" (I still wasn't putting two and two together.)  

Inside was a cookbook in a very nice three-ring binder. The cover read, "A Little Slice of Heaven. Acy's Creek Missionary Baptist Church." I thumbed through the pages thinking, "This is nice," then looked at the inside cover.   

There was a handwritten note: "We pray you'll enjoy these recipes for years to come. Love Keith and Claudine. P.S.-My gumbo recipe is on page 35." It was as if I had come to see the light.   

"Hey, hey! This isn't junk mail at all! The long-awaited gumbo recipe is here!" I was excited to try it; I was looking for ingredients in the kitchen cabinets when my wife reminded me that the Scamp still needed to be emptied. Unfortunately, by the time that was done, it was too late to start cooking. So, I curled up on the couch with my new cookbook, the same way my wife would with a glass of wine and a novel.  

I was a little disappointed to discover I did not have most of the ingredients on hand. Actually, I had very few. So, I ran into ZUP's, our local grocery store, and found they had some of the items I'd need – but not all. So, the next day, I went to Duluth, to the larger store, where they had some more of the items I needed, but when I inquired, they all looked at me and asked, "What is Gumbo File."    I ordered the Gumbo File and Liquid Crab Boil online. Anxious to make the gumbo, I was on the phone expressing my frustration to my brother in Oklahoma. I told him the stores here had frozen okra, but it was breaded, which would be a deal-breaker. "Just buy fresh okra and cut it yourself," he said.   

I explained, "If they didn't have frozen, they certainly would not carry fresh okra."    

"What kind of store doesn't have okra? That's a southern staple." He declared.  

I explained it was a geographical difference and challenged him, "Oh yeah? Well, your stores carry chicken's feet and crawdads, too - but go to your grocery store and try to find a pre-made pasty." (Very common here in the north - but I digress.)       

When the crab boil and gumbo file arrived, I rushed to the store to get the rest of the ingredients, hurried home, and made a pot of gumbo!  

I sent a message to Keith and Claudine: "Oh, this isn't going well at all. I didn't cook my roux long enough - I should be much darker than I made it. Haste makes waste.  

"I was in a hurry when I went shopping. I bought (and used) a vegetable mix called Seasons Blend, with broccoli, carrots, sugar snap peas, and water chestnuts. A far cry different from Seasonings Blend, with onions, celery, red peppers, green peppers, and parsley flakes. That's going to make a difference in flavor! But, again, haste makes waste.  

"The good news is, the andouille sausage, shrimp, crab meat, crab boil, and gumbo file definitely give it a Cajun flavor. But it clearly lacks and desperately needs the onion, celery, and green pepper.  

"The snow peas and water chestnuts add a touch of the orient. I have no idea where the broccoli and carrots fit in. The whole mess was made in a northern Minnesota, almost to Canada, kitchen.  

"I think I just invented the first pot ever of French Canadian, Norwegian, Northwoods, Chinese, Cajun Gumbo Stew Soup. FCNNWCCGSS, for short. (Which I believe may be another way of spelling FUBAR in some foreign language.)   

"On a brighter note, the recipe only yields about two gallons. Even though I've never tried your gumbo, I am sure this is definitely not it!  

"Well, haste makes waste - and I can't stand wasting food, so when these two gallons of FUBAR Stew are gone (I pray it freezes well), I really, really want to try Claudine's Cajun Gumbo."   

Weeks later, the lousy stew finally went away. I took it to Missouri and tried to feed it to my brother. After eating his first bowl, he declined my offer for seconds, so I ate the rest myself.   

With the old gumbo gone, I bought new and correct ingredients and came home excited but somewhat nervous to try the recipe again. Almost everything was going well; although the flavor was outstanding, the stew was thin and runny – not thick like it should be. "It's the roux," I confessed to myself, "I'm still not getting it right." I don't have trouble making a roux for gravy and other dishes. However, I was still in need of advice from an experienced Gumbo Roux Guru.  

I'm thankful this cookbook was saved from the fate of the garbage truck because it is not junk mail by any means. I'm looking forward to making the Salmon Patties on page 137, but where on Earth will I find: ¼ box of Guidry's fresh cuts creole seasoning in the Northwoods of Minnesota?   

​My wife suggested I should just call Claudine to find out what kind of pie goes well with gumbo and ask what time we should arrive for dinner - authentic Cajun gumbo. I'll bet I’d even find the Guidry's down there. Besides, we're due for another trip to New Orleans anyway. Oops, I meant N’awlins; maybe that's my problem – I'm not saying it right!